Canadian Haiku, Eh?

today's guest haiku

2006-10-10T11:49:00.000-04:00

Here's today's guest haiku which comes to us from our resident Canadian expatriate, the Vicar of State College.

A bird in a tree.
Sitting there. Waiting. For what?
Grouse masaman, eh?

Nice work, Vicar. We hope to read more of your Canuck Haiku in the future.

haiku sequel

2006-09-21T20:03:00.000-04:00

Canuckticut Yankee is all over it. Here's the sequel.

A 3rd boy stalks off
Them fools just will not listen!
Lemiuex is the man

Oh yes, haiku fame is yours.

guest haiku

2006-09-19T20:47:00.000-04:00

This one was posted yesterday as a comment. My thanks to the Canuckticut Yankee!

Two boys argue loud
Gretsky or Messier?
National debate

Please send you canuck haiku to frankzappai@yahoo.com and win haiku fame and fortune. Well, fame anyway. Fifteen minutes worth at least. Well, ten anyway . . . hosers.

2006-09-12T23:56:00.000-04:00

new album today
Bare Naked Ladies Are Me
great day for Canucks

2006-09-08T15:29:00.000-04:00

harvest moon -
listening to Neil Young
on my iPod

2006-06-19T15:35:00.000-04:00

Edmonton Oilers
one win away from the cup
good luck tonight boys

2006-06-06T10:02:00.000-04:00

gouda commercial
Canada's finest cheeses
a smoky fragrance

2006-06-04T20:06:00.000-04:00

it's black fly season
Canada's national bird
hunt the spring black fly

Hunt the spring black fly info here.

2006-05-28T09:55:00.000-04:00

waxing nostalgic
for the Montreal Expos
Canada's ball club

2006-05-10T20:53:00.000-04:00

Moncton UFOs
the truth is out there some where
it's a trash can lid

2006-05-03T21:55:00.000-04:00

Quebec teens surfing
the glow of a monitor
lights up their faces

2006-04-08T12:06:00.000-04:00

Bare Naked Ladies
in the studio these days
for a fall release

2006-03-29T15:18:00.000-05:00

March lamb time
up north you can be sure
snow is melting

2006-03-24T11:34:00.000-05:00

it's the weekend, eh?
time to pick up a two four
of Molsons. beauty

2006-03-21T08:55:00.000-05:00

migrant birds up north
catching avian flu, eh?
never liked chicken

2006-03-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

the Shamrock Summit
Quebec, 1985
Reagan Mulroney

2006-03-09T21:25:00.000-05:00

all day
Canada geese
flying north

Guest Haiku from the Satanic One Himself

2006-03-08T19:36:00.000-05:00

In our never ending, global, 24/7 quest to bring you only the finest Canadian haiku being written on the planet today, it is our pleasure to present the work of the inimitable JDiego, world-renowned haiku slugfest judge and author-proprietor of Haikus from Hell, home of "the haiku you don't take home to mother."

Without further ado, here is JDiego:

Canada haiku

long porous border
sneaky Yanks cross in the night
look for low wage work

proud of mosquitoes
large enough to carry off
pomeranians

just two words: Neil Young
two more: Robertson Davies
oh yeah: back bacon

You can almost here the Canadian prairie winds a blowin' . . . . in these few short lines Mr. Diego has captured the Magnitude That Is Canada, moving with equal grace from the socio-economics of immigration, to the wildness and danger that is the real Great White North, particularly for small furry lap dogs. And then the coup de grace, an ode to the cultural contributions that Canadyland has made to . . . the world.

breath taking. absolute beauty, eh? Canadian haiku virtuosity unequaled in the anals of Canadian haiku. While this hoser advises us that he is in fact a Yank, don't you believe it, eh? he's got maple red running in his veins just like the rest of us.

beauty way to go, JDiego. beauty.

the five cent war

2006-03-04T21:40:00.000-05:00

found this one tonight while surfing the web researching "candy wrappers" . . . and no, not Canady gangsta rappers. here's a 'ku in honor of the Canadian kids who made a bold stand for truth, justice, and the Canadian way during the 1947 five cent candy war.

don't be a sucker
Communist organizers?
don't buy 8 cent bars

2006-02-28T20:34:00.000-05:00

poutine with gravy
fresh curds make for squeaky teeth
a hell of a mess

2006-02-27T20:21:00.000-05:00

Jacques Cartier called
Canada "God's gift to Cain" -
you can look it up

2006-02-26T19:47:00.000-05:00

Make Way for Noddy
which face looks the happiest?
kids really love it

Review: Make Way for Noddy

2006-02-25T19:40:00.000-05:00

The lads over at 24 Hours of TV have provided us with a public service. See their review of Make Way for Noddy here.

Hockey aside, we're doin' good!

2006-02-25T14:26:00.001-05:00

Here's the summary to date from TSN:

With medal victories by Cindy Klassen and Clara Hughes in the women's 5,000 meteres, Canada's record-setting medal count now stands at 22 with more chances at the podium to come. TSN.ca has all your coverage right through to the closing ceremonies. More...

so we got THAT goin' for us.

Frank & Gord, Part Deux

2006-02-24T07:24:00.000-05:00

Toque Wearing Beaver
Speeching Stone Faced Mute Moppets
Gord’s Our Best Friend, Too.

Frank & Gord

2006-02-23T20:04:00.000-05:00

Cool Canuck Beavers
Stealing Show in Torino
Gord Yakking Hairballs

Check in the links for more fun with Frank and Gord!

It's cold up north!

2006-02-23T18:11:00.000-05:00

Once again, our thanks to the folks at Bad Haiku for helping us out. This one is by "Uncivilized" of Baffin Island:

Nobody told me
the damned ice age was over.
Bloody freezing here.

thanks Uncivilized!

2006-02-23T16:19:00.000-05:00

canola oil
from Canada and oil
learn something new, eh?

Canadian hockey haiku

2006-02-23T14:08:00.000-05:00

Canada hockey
disappointing in defeat
I say . . . ahh, puck it.

Men's team goes down to defeat

2006-02-23T14:05:00.000-05:00

Well, it's taken me 24 hours to recover. Our boys lost yesterday. Here's the final update from HockeyCanada:

MEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA 0 - RUSSIA 2 - FINAL

CANADA ELIMINATED FROM OLYMPICS IN 2-0 NAILBITER AGAINST RUSSIA

Many forecasters had Canada and Russia facing off for gold at the 2006 Olympic Winter Games. Wednesday’s quarter-final game did have the feel of a gold medal game. » more

Not sure how much of a nail biter it really was, but hey, you win some, you lose some. I guess.

Next up: Russia!

2006-02-22T13:58:00.000-05:00

Next game is today, 2:30 Eastern:

NEXT GAME: CANADA - RUSSIA
Wed. Feb. 22/06 | Playoff Round
Canada plays Russia in the quarterfinals Wednesday in a game that can be tracked on HockeyCanada at 2:30pm et/11:30am pt.

As an aside, apparently Canadian Hockey reports have triggered Blogger's spam-prevention robots--either that or there is a nefarious Russian plot afoot. Here is the message from Blogger:

WARNING

This blog has been locked by Blogger's spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts.

Save your post as a draft or click here for more about what's going on and how to get your blog unlocked.

We have taken steps to get Canadian Haiku, eh? unblocked from Blogger, but it may not happen until after game time. Our apologies for any inconvenience. Clearly Blogger.com is not a fan of Canadian Hockey.

3:00 pm update: we're back in business. Check HockeyCanada for minute to minute updates.

We're still in this thing . . .

2006-02-21T15:29:00.000-05:00

The men won and regained some scoring momentum . . . courtesy of HockeyCanada:

MEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA HOLDS OFF CZECHS TO FINISH THIRD GROUP A » more

CANADA 3 - CZECH REP 2 | FINAL

NEXT GAME: CANADA
Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2006
Playoff Round
TBD (local) / TBD (ET)

Canada will face the team that finishes 2nd in Group B, which will either be Russia, Slovakia, or Sweden. Stay tuned to Canadian Haiku for updates.

Canadian Women's Team Victorious!

2006-02-20T20:24:00.000-05:00

Women's team won, beating Sweden 4-1. The gold is ours! From HockeyCanada:

WOMEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA’S WOMEN’S OLYMPIC HOCKEY TEAM IS SUCCESSFUL IN DEFENDING OLYMPIC GOLD
CANADA ALSO CLAIMS #1 WORLD IIHF RANKING » more

CANADA 4 - SWEDEN 1
Final

So we've got THAT going for us.

2006-02-20T14:19:00.000-05:00

thanks to Brady of Toronto at Bad Haiku for today's Canadian Haiku selection.

Heil is five foot three
Weighs one fifty three. Won gold!
All downhill from here

Our boys lose to Finland

2006-02-19T19:27:00.000-05:00

Our boys lost again today to Finland, 2-0. Long uphill road from here, eh?

MEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA SUFFERS ANOTHER SETBACK
IN OLYMPIC MEN’S HOCKEY

One of the last times that Canada and Finland faced off in a major hockey event was almost a year and a half ago, in the 2004 World Cup of Hockey final. » more

NEXT GAME: CANADA - CZECH REP
Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2006 | Round Robin
4:30 pm (local) / 10:30 am (ET)

We'll keep you updated on all the hockey news you need to know. Next up: the women's team guns for the gold!

2006-02-19T10:52:00.000-05:00

boreal forest
owls maniacally hooting
natural resource

2006-02-18T21:44:00.000-05:00

bare naked ladies
be my yoko ono, eh?
Canada's music

Well, at least the gals won!

2006-02-18T15:29:00.000-05:00

Here's last night's results for the women's team (we won't mention the men):

WOMEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA TO DEFEND OLYMPIC GOLD
CANADA - SWEDEN
Monday, February 20, 2006
20:30 (local) / 14:30 (ET)

CANADA 6 - FINLAND 0
Semi-Final | Friday, Feb. 17, 2006

Well, okay, so the men lost 2-0 today to the Swiss. Make something of it, knob.

2006-02-17T12:28:00.000-05:00

Yukon poetry
rides around on buses, eh?
haiku too I hope

Still no Skip

2006-02-16T11:58:00.000-05:00

Here's the hockey pairings for the next round from HockeyCanada:

WOMEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA - FINLAND
Semi-Final
Friday, February 17, 2006
9 pm Turin - 3 pm EST

CANADA’S WOMEN’S OLYMPIC HOCKEY TEAM ADVANCES TO SEMI-FINALS; FINISH FIRST PLACE IN GROUP A » more

MEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA - GERMANY
Thursday, February 16, 2006
8 pm Turin - 2 pm EST

NEW! ASK A PLAYER » more

BLAKE, GAGNÉ, IGINLA AND PRONGER NAMED ALTERNATE CAPTAINS WITH CANADA’S MEN’S TEAM » more

2006-02-15T15:52:00.000-05:00

1965
on February 15th?
new maple leaf flag!

Where's Skip? Our Team Won!!

2006-02-15T12:47:00.000-05:00

no sign of Skip, eh?
perhaps he skipped out on us
he's such a lame hoser

Anyway, here's Canadian Hockey News:

MEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA 7 - ITALY 2
Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Canada put up a strong performance in its first game of the 2006 Winter Games. Team Canada was lead by Jarome Iginla, who scored two goals. Next up for the Canadians is Germany on Thursday. » more

2006-02-14T22:56:00.000-05:00

beer haiku daily
sporting a new link today -
CANUCK HAIKU, EH?

Where's Skip When You Need Him?

2006-02-14T22:52:00.000-05:00

I thought we would be able to rely on Skip Rock for all the Canadian hockey news that's fit to print, but nooooooo, I guess he's not dependable.

Anyhooo, the lady Canucks won today over Sweden 8-1. HockeyCanada has all the details.

WOMEN’S OLYMPIC TEAM

CANADA 8 - SWEDEN 1
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
CANADA WINS GROUP B WITH SOLID WIN OVER SWEDEN SEMI-FINALS
ARE UP NEXT » more

CANADA’S WOMEN’S OLYMPIC HOCKEY TEAM ADVANCES TO SEMI-FINALS; FINISHING IN FIRST PLACE IN GROUP A

Our thanks to the folks at Bad Haiku . . .

2006-02-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

for their recent Canadian offering:

Jennifer Heil wins
with a freestyle work of art.
Canada takes gold.

--posted by an anonymous haiku poet on Feb. 11, 2006

hot day for Canuck sporting blogs

2006-02-13T16:24:00.000-05:00

a new Canuck blog
that has snowmobile pictures -
vrrroom vrrroom. beauty, eh?

2006-02-13T15:24:00.000-05:00

a new Canuck blog
devoted to one hunter's
bull moose. beauty, eh?

2006-02-12T12:02:00.000-05:00

alas, Porkov, we
knew you well--now you're Canuck
peameal back bacon

2006-02-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

we blogged the Big Poem-
beauty idea I must say
canuck choka, eh?

2006-02-11T19:20:00.000-05:00

Canadian side
of Niagara Falls is the
beauty way to go

2006-02-10T17:13:00.000-05:00

road to Alaska
passes through Canada, eh?
it's the scenic route

A Plan “In The Can” for 2006 Grouse Camp?

2006-02-10T07:21:00.000-05:00

Milt tells me youse are always looking for a camp to freeload in come grouse season. You boys from the Great Satan may not have heard of Red Green’s Possum Lodge, but I can vouch for it. You can find a list of its amenities and staff at Possum Lodge. Check out Harold while you’re there. He’d be a good guide for youse guys, eh? Quite the setter man.

What the...

2006-02-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

This little blog seems to have gotten some "legs," so to speak, ya know, with oat a doat. Not sure about the Haiku for hosers, though.

Anyway, beauty way to go, Milt.

2006-02-09T15:48:00.000-05:00

Skunky beer tastes best
It's due to the green bottles
Gretz sure'd like one now

2006-02-09T14:33:00.000-05:00

Canadian ice -
Parry Sound webcam tells all
brrrrr, it's cold out there

Great Satan messing with Canadian Royalty, eh?

2006-02-09T07:34:00.000-05:00

So maybe Janet had $5 on the under in the Giants-Cowboys game. What’s the big frikkin’ deal, eh? First of all, every bar on both sides of the border had Superbowl squares where 100 losers each stuck that much or more. You going to arrest every in both countries? Second, $5 Canadian is about 74 cents American.

Looking at the timing of this stunt, I’m guessing you guys did this just to frig up the Canadian club on the eve of the Torino Olympics. Your pu$$y a$$ team must need all the help it can get, so you go after #99’s wife, eh? I think it’s disgusting.

Or, just maybe, eh?, your American press is trying to drag a red smelt, so to speak, to hide that the fix was in big time during the Super Bowl? Who's got the gambling Jones, so to speak, now, eh?

BTW, you DO know who Janet Jones is, don’t you? She’s class, that’s who, just like The Great One. Let me refresh your memories.

Wayne met American actress Janet Jones in 1984 when he was a judge on the show "Dance Fever" and she was a dancer, but they didn't begin dating until 1987. Their July 17, 1988, Anglican Church nuptials at St. Joseph's Basilica in Edmonton, Alberta was dubbed "The Royal Wedding" by the press and broadcast live throughout Canada. "Guards" from the Edmonton Fire Department stood on the church steps.

I’m off to Tim’s for a butter tart and some coffee, you hosers. This just ain’t right.

2006-02-08T12:07:00.000-05:00

Niagara Falls -
Miss Annie Edson Taylor
goes over and lives

Family Tree Watered At The Devil's Hole? Master of the frikkin' Porridge!

2006-02-07T09:14:00.000-05:00

You hosers living down there in the Great Satan had a locally interesting miniseries run on your PBS recently. It was called The War That Made America, which was referencing - believe it or not - The French And Indian War. Dougie from my rink taped it for me free, eh? You hosers could buy it, I suppose.

Anyways, it had lots of scalping, eh, more blood flowin' than at a Leafs - Canadiens match. French hosers. Turns out there's lots to learn about scalping, and you can find it at Tantillizing.

But back to the good part. I can stand right here in Queenston, Ontario and look acrost the mighty Niagara and see the Devil's Hole. That hoser Milt don't even need to pass Customs, he can go right down the steps there, eh?, and see it. Or fish for salmon, eh? Well, it turns out that if the Frenchy War made America, then this local action made the Frenchy War. Well, sort of, eh? When I first read the story, I was surprised and kinda proud that such a big deal happened right in my back yard, so to speak. A closer look tells me that one of your friends - the one who's cut and run, so to speak - is just doin' naturally what his family's been doing since at least 1763.

After you hang up your CCMs, go check out The Devil's Hole.

Grapes

2006-02-07T07:22:00.000-05:00

I found a disturbing story about Don that I as Alert Correspondent thought I had to report on, eh? But then I said to myself, "Skip, these hosers maybe don't even know Don Cherry." Frikkin' dummy Americans. If it's not about football or how many millions a guy is makin'... Let me tell you something... Aw, don't get me started.

Get up to speed on Don over at Grapes.

Got it? Alrighty then. Now you can figure out why all Ontario found this story about Don Cherry's Love Child so troubling, eh?

2006-02-07T06:48:00.000-05:00

at Sault Ste. Marie
Canadian Customs guys
gave me quite a scare

It's An Honour To Join You, Eh?

2006-02-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

Hi there, Boys. Frank asked me to join the crew over here labouring to bring you timely news shorts from Canada. Couldn't say "no" to a sweet offer like that, eh?

Gotta get back to my rink now, though. Say hi to my peeps Dougie, Gord and Ian, eh, still practicing without me. See ya soon.

2006-02-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

at Timmy HoHos
get a dozen jellies, eh?
beauty way to go

2006-02-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

yesterday blogger
was down but today it's up
Canuck software, eh?

2006-02-03T22:39:00.000-05:00

at Lac Megantic
stop and sleep a few hours
then off to Jackman

zappai

2006-02-03T08:07:00.000-05:00

quebec 2 am
goddamn french road signs don't they
know american?

2006-02-01T12:30:00.000-05:00

February eh?
the coldest month for Canucks
how 'bout some hockey?

2006-01-31T13:02:00.000-05:00

The Great White North, eh?
Bob and Doug McKenzie, eh?
Tim Hortons donuts

2006-01-30T12:23:00.000-05:00

fifty five bucks for
nonresident license eh? -
Rich you cheap hoser

Beauty, eh?

2006-01-29T09:34:00.000-05:00

Vicar's idea, eh?
so I'd say good idea, eh?
so haiku, hoser.